How in the world did I get here?

Yesterday, I found out I was accepted to the University of Florida's PT school for this fall. Elated, I began to allow myself to think on the dreams I have dreamt over the past 6 months. It kind of all came out in a conversation last night with one of my best friends. "I think God is giving me a heart for Africa..." "What? How serious is this? Since when? How did it happen? What are you thinking?" Her questions have sobered me. This is not going to Disney World. Missions anywhere is something I HAVE to be called to, not just go for the adventure and fun of it. I must go to seeking God alone and nothing else. but still... I recall just under 2 years ago a conversation where I confidently stated that I did not feel called internationally. What changed?
With that, I began looking back over my journals from the past 6 months or so to investigate just how God did get me here...

It all started probably with going to Czech 2 years ago (nothing like going international to ignite an international heart :) and then seeking a career I could go internationally with. I was leaning towards PT a lot, but couldn't find very many opportunities overseas. Then, graduation came.
Shortly after, I was blessed to meet and talk to Laura Rhodes. Her husband is a missionary doctor in Kenya. She encouraged me so much by talking about how much they need physical therapists there, and also just hearing a tiny bit of a first hand account of their life there.
Then, God sent me down to the tiny town of Springfield, Colorado to get PT hours with the PT there. She originally went into physical therapy for the mission opportunities, and so I spent a week talking about those opportunities with her, and finally spending time with a PT I didn't feel was just "pushing a rock up a hill" each day.

September 25th on a day trip to Greenville, NC to visit East Carolina University's PT Dept.
Fall has quickly set in, and with it comes a sense of nostalgia. As I drove down two lane roads between cottonfields and an occasional small town diner or bait shop, I couldn't help but feel at home and slightly homesick. Me, cruising by in my Jeep Grand Cherokee, sweater, slacks, and slipper shoes that couldn't withstand a puddle on the sidewalk, much less the muddy fields that whisked by my window. Despite all appearances, my heart yearned to pull over and run freely across the lush sea of grass and pine groves in some feable attempt to capture a piece of my childhood.
Arriving at ECUs DPT building, I get out of my car, ready to put my best foot forward and convince the world (and myself) that I can do anything, molding myself into the picture of business.
Just as I lock my door, I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I hardly recognize myself, and startled, I take a longer look. Where is that carefree little girl who dreamed big and truly believed anything is possible? Where is that free spirit that takes off across fields and leaps into lakes, rivers, and oceans with reckless abandon? A hardened, all business exterior gives just a tad, and I find her... a twinkle in my eye and then a joyful smile.
Amidst all the chaos, I can't lose track of who I am and who I want to be. I can't be what the world wants me to be, rather who God made me to be. That is why I am going to PT school... not for the lettes behind my name or to join in the rat race of getting ahead by impressing people and pushing a stone up a hill each day, but because that is where God is calling me, because I find joy in helping people like that, because I can use it internationally on missions, because living recklessly for the Kingdom is more fulfilling than anything this world can ever offer me, because I can stay joyfully childlike and not lose track of that twinkle in my eye.

January 1st, 2009
A glimmer of hope, encouragement as I ponder the future. Talking to Meg (Casciere) last night, the unlikely missionary in many ways. Listening to her chatter on about living in Brazil and going to Peru and Visas and buses...
Then at the guys' house, she dives into a similar discussion. My mind wondered as she echoed our earlier talk and then Sam (Matus) turns to me: "I can see you doing something like that." Jerked back to reality, scrambling for what 'that' might be, I realized Meg was still talking about missions abroad. Relief, hope, excitement - Yes! I hope so! I see myself doing that too! But how, where, when, what? What can I offer now?
So, this afternoon, as I explored PT opportunities - specialties, fellowships, residencies, in Vail, CO... wow- but does that help with missions stuff? How does it fit? Does it? A crossroads or a multi-late highway? I guess I am getting a little ahead of myself - I have to get into PT school first. [hehehe, done :)]
And then, randomly, I began searching for the Rhodes hospital in Kenya. Moving desire to go and help, to DO something. Can I go this summer? What a way to head into PT school this fall.
...
A joy I haven't felt in ages! But there are plenty of obstacles.
[Don't worry... just be patient and give it all to God and He will take it and mold it how He wishes]

January 27th (2 days before the acceptance note)
[recently chatted with one of my Czech friends about a Christian medical conference he is going to in February]
That got me searching... Lord, I want to serve you abroad... Uganda, Kenya, South America; my desire is to go. A-J's quotes [missionary quotes she posted] resonate. I know it's not easy and is not as glamorous as I perhaps imagine, but my heart feels so there! I want to go. Please use me, oh God, please use me.

[However, not my will but Yours be done.]

And now, back to today. Kevin's Invisible Children. Victor coming to our body and plugging in with college group.

A door has been opened; my heart has awakened in many ways, but I stand here with open hands. I am willing, Lord, have Your way with me.